zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sometimes a bell when someone comes in zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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heh
i ALWAYS forget i have this.
anyways quick update i guess. as far as anything goes, i've been pretty well. i'm still broke. nothing's changed. i still live at home. awesome. i've been catching my dad listening to rap a lot latley, mid life crisis? probably. i have a job. so that's good. i'm an accout recieveble clerk thing, i make 9.25 an hour. so i guess i can't complain. i do deal with stupid people though. no drama, which there really hasn't been much anyways, i'm too lazy to care about dramatic stuff, it takes too much effort to be angry. i'm still trying to figure out what i really want to do in life. i would say procrastinate, but it's not a steady career. i can't really think of much else.
anywho, how are you? how are things for you? it's probably been a while since i've talked to you. i kind of just dissapeared for a while. i remember someone thought i moved or died. HAAAAHAHAHAHA, i'd like to move, but i'm too broke. how's your summer stuff going? hope to hear from you soon.
-i'll post something probably around next year at the rate i go. Laura.
i really enjoy being around you. sorry if i talk about stupid shit. and im also sorry that you paid for me. you didn't have to, i told you that.
hmmm. six flags tomorrow with family and ben.. interesting.
its 1:41 am, i gotta leave here around 7:15 i'll try to get some sleep. oh and p.s. sox beat tigers. naturally, because they are WAYYY better. and fyi, don't try to watch the baseball game through a bar window...some creepy old lady with stare at you until you run to your cars a little scared of her wrath... other than that, its been a good? day. yeah im done kbye.
jackie and i are going on a road trip...errrr...soon? i want to meet new people, and get out of here for a while. we need places to stay, but we'll figure that out later.
*sigh* okay, first off... weekend was pretty nice. friday, i think we went to ryans. saturday, went to a show with ben, then to ryans. sunday, went to the indy 500, haha, then to ryan's. and monday. went to coffee with sarah, no ryans. i guess you can say it was eventful.
latley, i don't know whats up. somedays i can be really outgoing, the other days, im quiet, and shy. i really hope that i'm not getting really girlie. oh god. if i am, that means the world is ending.
this summer, i really want to go on a road trip. anywhere, i just want to go. i want to meet new people, and not get so fucking shy around them. i don't want things to be awkward, because 9/10 times, they are. what are your plans for the summer? want to do something?
hey! i doubt i'll be online much this summer though, so if you feel the need to hang out or whatever, just call. 219-462-1352 [thats the house phone, lameass cell phone is gone.]
what are you doing this weekend? anything? let's catch up on some old times, and new ones to come...ok? [i'd enjoy that.] sweet dudeno.
so uhh yeah. im in chemistry right now. not really too much to say. im not much on sharing my life with el-jay. i usually use this to vent. woop woop. kthx. so this weekend was really fun. i really enjoy hanging out with alisha, sean, ryan, merz, and others. I had a lot of fun this weekend, exceptttt for getting sick. anyyywhooo. i really don't feel like talking too much. because i have nothing really to share. so uhhh....bye.
ellll newwwww repppubllic. [by website of course...]
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Wow, am i really that bad of a friend? honestly, i have no effect on people. NONE. whatever i say usually goes in one ear, and out the other. I usually have a lot on my mind, and a lot say. especially lately.
I'm going to be honest. i am not pleased with myself. i know I can be a bitch. but right now, im just not going through the best time. and you saying things, that obviously i don't want to talk about, doesn't help. and im going to fucking snap at you, and take it out on you.
And your going to stand there, and tell me how fucking pitiful i am, and how i have no respect for anyone. when i do. i have so much respect for everyone, i would gladly take a bullet for them, even if they hated me so much their intestines burnt. and your going to stand there, and accuse me for everything i have done wrong in the past, and your going to blame your problems on me, and take your frustrations out on me.
go ahead, take your best fucking shot. It's only going to add onto the stress and dislike i have for myself as it is. its not going to make things better, in fact it will make them worse, but if thats what you fucking need, if thats what you want.. to feel better. GO AHEAD. what are you waiting for? all you wanted was to be happy. why should it matter if i'm not?
sound fair? no not really. but fuck, life isn't fair. i have to get over that. life will never be fair, so why think it is now? its understandable that everyone is stressed and mad at the world, but how is it okay for me, who is taking in, all of your bullshit, who is standing there, letting you criticize my every move, my every thought, my every opinion, how is it okay? its not. but thats just how it is sometimes.
so now, ask yourself. am i really that fucking horrible of a person? i take in more than i can handle. mainly because i bring it upon myself. i have flaws, who doesn't. i say things i don't mean. why i say them, i don't know. [im just not thinking clearly.] Im not the brightest crayon in the box, but I'm not the dullest hue either. I am me. thats all i need to know. Laura Grayam.
so now, instead of answering that question, answer this: who/what am i to you?
my mom recently moved to ohio, and by recently i mean last saturday. i don't think im going to see her again. she tends to disown me...yeah so i don't really know what to think...
Why is valpo so dumb? can anyone tell me? haha.
so...i heard talk about another ska show comming around?? i hope that goes through. haha im sorry i don't update this as much as i really should. I guess, my day isn't that exciting? OHHH, well sarah and i did have this fight thing, with theese really nifty disk flyer things in cereal boxes. yeah, it was really cool. There are marks all over my wall. whenever she comes over marks go on my wall, maybe it's because i try to strangle her? im kidding, relax.
"there's a 30% chance, that it's already raining." ha. welll, i know i'm lame and all, so i'll get going. exciting..huh?
woooo, new backround. im doing good, and how are you? i want to go to the art musueam, who else wants to? im probably going next weekend with lindsay and alisha from hobart, your more than welcome to come. not too much really going on... beep beep aroooooga. edit:LE TIGRE plays nov. 5th in chigaco!!! whose with me?
the ska show was hella fun. hung out with troy a lot there...fun stuff, played basketball, owned the court...not. thanks to everyone who had a good time. and once again i'm sorry for being a burden. and i'm sorry about the car ride home. it was really good to see everyone again. i want to have a ska show...anyone want to co-host? wellp, i really can't think of much more. if you think of something i forgot, just comment and then i'll remember.ha hey, next friday, 80's night at amber's....your going...right?
edit: 80's night is in chicago. not at her house. haha
i don't get it. why do i try to make things work, when they don't? why do i like someone, only to know im never going to be good enough for them, they'd rather be with some hot blonde. (not you sarah) i know im not the hottest person in the world..but..sometimes i just don't understand. why do i even try? WHY? i am so sick of seeting myself up just to fall... is that what keeps you entertained? watching me fall? sometimes i don't even get myself. i guess im just not happy with myself. hah, gooo figure.
how are you all doing? what are your plans for homecomming? what are you doing saturday? am i a burden to you? be honest. i can handle the truth, im old enough to accept it.
HAHAHAHHA. new user pic. its ben, we were giving him a faux hawk. ;-) and how are you this fine day? i know i promised pictures, and they're comming i just have to get unlazy and upload them. i will do it though. i promise.
"orbit gum gives you that just brushed clean feeling." don't ask, just shut up. :-D?
why am i like this? i wish i could not be nervous around people. especially people i happen to like. dammit... well, i hope your night was good. mine was. i'll talk to you later.
Karma police, arrest this man, he talks in maths He buzzes like a fridge, he’s like a detuned radio Karma police, arrest this girl, her hitler hairdo, is making me feel ill And we have crashed her party This is what you get, this is what you get This is what you get, when you mess with us
Karma police, I’ve given all I can, it’s not enough I’ve given all I can, but we’re still on the payroll
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ninja_turtles00's journal
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